Ripping custom

Tearing of the Garment Ceremony (Kriah)

Family members and close friends gather inside the funeral home, near the platform from which the eulogies will be delivered.

According to Jewish tradition, priests (Cohanim) among the attendees generally avoid being under the same roof as the deceased, unless the deceased is a first-degree relative. Therefore, they are usually provided with a separate covered area overlooking the main hall.

In some places, there is a private room for seclusion where you may spend a few moments saying goodbye to the deceased. If you wish to be alone, you can ask the burial society staff to leave the room.

Viewing the face of the deceased is usually done only by one family member, who is asked to identify the body and confirm that the correct person is being buried. However, in most places, requests by additional family members to view the deceased will be respected.

Before the eulogies begin, the immediate family members (parents, spouse, sons, daughters, brothers, and sisters) are asked to approach the deceased, one by one, to perform the tearing ceremony.

In some communities, the tearing is not done at the funeral home but immediately upon death (as among Yemenite Jews) or only after burial (in some Eastern communities). The ceremony is, of course, subject to your consent, and it may be skipped if it causes discomfort, in coordination with the burial society.

It is important to know that the tearing ceremony can be especially difficult emotionally, as it is usually performed in front of the deceased.

The tearing of the garment is a traditional custom in which mourners tear their clothing as a symbol of the emotional rupture and grief caused by the loss.

The origin of this custom is in the Bible, when Jacob tore his garments in mourning for his son Joseph, whom he believed to be dead (Genesis 37:34).

During the Talmudic period, mourners would tear their garments themselves at the moment they saw or heard of the death. Today, most communities perform the tearing at the funeral home.

The tear is usually made by a member of the burial society (preferably a man for men and a woman for women), although a relative or friend may also do it.

The tear is made in the upper garment (shirt), over the chest:

• For mourning a parent – on the left side (over the heart)
• For other relatives – on the right side

The tear should be significant, about 8.5 cm (a handbreadth ≈ 3.5 inches), and is made with a knife, not scissors. Typically, the burial society member starts the tear, and the mourner enlarges it by pulling the torn fabric downward.

The mourner stands (if possible) during the tearing and afterward recites the blessing acknowledging divine judgment:
“Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, the True Judge.”

If the death occurred during a holiday and the shiva (mourning period) is postponed, some delay the tearing as well. Others perform the tearing for a parent even during the intermediate days of a festival, and some do so for other relatives as well.

It is customary to continue wearing the torn garment throughout the seven days of shiva.

If the tear is too large, it may be secured with a safety pin, but it should not be sewn during the seven days and should remain visible as a sign of mourning.

After the mourning period:

• Some repair the garment and reuse it
• Others discard it
• In mourning for parents, it is customary not to repair it

From the Hevra Kadisha website.