A shiva is one of the most important mourning rituals in the Jewish tradition, held after the death of a loved one. The shiva period allows the bereaved family and close associates to grieve in an orderly manner and be surrounded by support from the community. During this period, mourners sit in their own home or the home of the deceased, gathering together to mourn, receive condolences, and remember the deceased.
What is a shiva meeting ?
A shiva is a period of mourning that lasts seven days from the day of the burial, during which the bereaved family gathers together and observes traditional mourning customs. During the seven days, the mourners refrain from normal activities, sit on low chairs, and allow acquaintances, friends, and relatives to come to their home to comfort them and share their pain.
The purpose of the oath
The shiva ceremony gives mourners time and space to process their grief and focus on the memory of the deceased. The purpose of the ceremony is to allow family members to grieve in an orderly manner and under a clear code of conduct, while surrounded by those closest to them. The shiva also allows mourners to share memories of the deceased with the mourners, and to provide them with mental and emotional support during the most difficult times.
The customs of the Shiva
- Location of the oath :
- It is customary to hold the Shiva meeting at the home of the deceased or at the home of his or her immediate family. In some cases, when circumstances do not permit a meeting at the place of residence, the Shiva meeting may be held at an alternative location that allows the mourners to arrive comfortably .
- The custom of sitting on low chairs :
- During the shiva, mourners sit on low chairs or small benches as a symbolic sign of modesty and pain. The custom symbolizes the heavy feeling of grief that weighs on the mourners. Condolences sit on regular chairs when they visit .
- Tearing of clothes ("tearing " ):
- On the day of the funeral, before the burial, it is customary to perform the tearing ceremony – in which family members tear some of their clothes as a sign of mourning for the deceased. During the shiva, the mourners continue to wear the torn clothes as a symbolic sign of their grief .
- Mirror cover :
- According to Jewish tradition, it is customary to cover the mirrors in the house of mourning during the Shiva. Covering the mirrors symbolizes the detachment from worldly matters, in order to concentrate and focus on mourning .
- Avoiding social activities :
- During the Shiva, mourners refrain from participating in social activities, holidays, joyful events, or normal pursuits such as work or school. This period is dedicated entirely to the memory of the deceased .
- Prayers and Kaddish :
- During the seven days of mourning, mourners hold morning, noon, and evening prayers, during which they recite the "Kaddish" prayer - a prayer that aims to glorify the name of God and honor the memory of the deceased. The recitation of the Kaddish is an important part of the Jewish mourning process and gives the deceased religious respect .
- A break meal ("recovery meal ") :
- After returning from the funeral, it is customary for the immediate family to eat a special meal called a "meal of recovery." The meal often includes simple foods such as bread, eggs, and lentils, which symbolize the beginning of mourning. The family members do not prepare the meal themselves - it is brought to them by friends or neighbors .
The role of the comforters in the Sabbath
The comforters who come to visit the bereaved are an integral part of the shivah. Their role is to ease the pain, share memories of the deceased, and support the family during difficult times. The comforters stay for a short time, sit with the bereaved, and sometimes share stories about the deceased that help the family remember positive things.
Among the mourners, it is customary to wait for the mourner to start the conversation. It is not recommended to ask intrusive questions or try to "encourage" the mourners to feel better, but to allow them to express their feelings at their own pace. At the end of the visit, it is customary to say the traditional blessing: " May you be comforted from heaven " or " May the place comfort you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem . "
End of the week
The mourning period ends seven days after the burial. At the end of the mourning period, the mourners go to the deceased's grave once more, say prayers, and hold a short memorial service. With the end of the mourning period, the mourners gradually return to their normal routine, but mourning customs continue in a limited way for the "thirty" period - the first thirty days after the death.
Day 30 – Unveiling of the Tombstone
On this day, which marks the end of the first thirty days from the day of death, family members and friends customarily visit the grave, hold a memorial service, and say prayers and a kaddish. The thirtieth day is a kind of transition point between the deep mourning of the seven and thirtieth days and the gradual return to the routine of life. It is also customary to erect the tombstone on this occasion, although some communities customarily erect the tombstone at the end of the year of mourning. It is a time of family gathering, shared memory, and mutual strengthening, as the family reunites in memory of their loved one.
Summary
A shiva is a central period of mourning in Judaism, intended to provide mourners with space to process their grief and say goodbye to the deceased in an orderly manner. The shiva combines emotional, social, and religious components, and allows the grieving family to receive support from their comforters and the community. The shiva customs express grief and respect for the deceased and help family and friends grieve together and unite around the memory of the deceased.
